1 Chronicles 16:11
Seek the LORD and His strength;Seek His face evermore!

when i got saved 6 months ago, i was immediately driven to read the Bible... i just couldn't get enough of it... before i was saved, i had always had a desire to read the Bible, but i could only ever get through a few of the books before i lost interest and i got bored... i wasn't equiped to read the Bible because i didn't believe it was the word of God...

anyway, i also became curious as to how to hear God... i started going to a class that teaches about faith and praying and baptism... all the things one should know about after they have received salvation... and in the prayer class, they spoke about listening and hearing what God has to say to you... well i was still confused about how to hear God... so the women in my group began to tell me how the Bible is one way God speaks to us and there are visions and voices and appointments...

it was just a couple of weeks ago, at easter, i realized i was "hearing" God, not for the first time, i was hearing Him ever since i was saved and i just didn't understand it until a couple of weeks ago... every time i go to church, Calvary Chapel, Ft Lauderdale, God speaks to me through our pastor, Bob Coy... literally every sermon he gives, it's like he's speaking directly to me and noone else is there, just me... i was blown away by this realization and praise Jesus for it...

so now, after days and days of complaining and whining about my job and how unfair my schedule is and saying they are being mean and they don't know what they're doing, my complaining and bad attitude got back to them and they called me on it and scolded me for it and reminded me i don't HAVE to work for them and... you get the idea... and the worst thing is they were right to call me on it... i was wrong to just complain and say mean things... all i had to do was go to them directly and tell them what was on my mind instead i was miserable in front of the rest of the people... and i prayed about it the whole time and i asked God to take it away from me and He didn't and i knew He wanted me to get something from it, some lesson... and after i got called into the office and got reprimanded for my bad behavior (which i WASN'T expecting), i had the chance to roll it around in my mind and chew on it back in my OR where i proceeded to get screamed at by the surgeon because he didn't have the right things for his case which had been underway for 4 hours BEFORE i had gotten there and he made me cry and it was just a double whammy, first the office then this... after i stopped crying and despite the surgeon's behavior (he was wrong and didn't apologize), i noticed him reaching really far for the bovie peddle (electrical cutting machine of the OR) and had an angel vs devil moment... i was mad at him for screaming at me and briefly thought, "you can just keep on struggling to reach that peddle," but then quickly changed my mind and remembered, "love your neighbor as yourself" and i got up and pushed the peddle to him... and much later last night i realized my failure again... i am lacking wisdom...

and today, as if God is speaking directly to me, everything i pick up and read, my devotional, a book a friend gave me a couple months ago that i just picked up today are talking about one thing... finding wisdom so we don't continue to keep making the same mistakes and committing the same sins over and over again... praise God!

now i just pray my stubborn brain will keep this knowledge so i will be a better person than i was yesterday... amen