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My head is one big jumble of thoughts and worries and concerns this week. I think it is the stress of a new job looming. Even though this is a great thing, it is still a stressful thing. Good stress is equally as upsetting to the body as bad stress. I think the problem with stress is it takes my focus off of the Lord and puts it on myself and my situation. I am one of those people who believes the old cliche, "all things come in threes". I'm sure you know the cliche I speak of. So here are my 3 things: the unexpected surgery, the unexpected back injury, and the expected and highly anticipated new job. And then throw in the side of spending a month with my mom and her leaving as the icing on the 3 layer cake and you can see the recipe of this stressed out season in my life. I have been praying to be filled with the Spirit and to be able to keep my eyes on Jesus because I become so distracted by my circumstances. The only thing that should matter to me is obedience to the Lord and I confess I have been downright disagreeable and obstructive, particularly at work. I have been in a state of self-pity. I realize I need to get my eyes off myself and onto the Lord. I get up every morning and I have a routine. I take the dogs out. I take all the pills, currently 8-10, for the day. I write a letter to the Lord. I read from my daily Bible, ESV. I read various devotions, "My Utmost for His Highest", The Pocket Testament League, The Active Word. I check my email. The rest of my day goes on and I get easily distracted. I think about the Lord almost the whole day. I get distracted and then I shake my head clear and focus on Him again. Today's "My Utmost for His Highest" really spoke to me:

The Habit of Enjoying Adversity

We have to develop godly habits to express what God’s grace has done in us. It is not just a question of being saved from hell, but of being saved so that "the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." And it is adversity that makes us exhibit His life in our mortal flesh. Is my life exhibiting the essence of the sweetness of the Son of God, or just the basic irritation of "myself" that I would have apart from Him? The only thing that will enable me to enjoy adversity is the acute sense of eagerness of allowing the life of the Son of God to evidence itself in me. No matter how difficult something may be, I must say, "Lord, I am delighted to obey You in this." Instantly, the Son of God will move to the forefront of my life, and will manifest in my body that which glorifies Him.

You must not debate. The moment you obey the light of God, His Son shines through you in that very adversity; but if you debate with God, you grieve His Spirit (see Ephesians 4:30 ). You must keep yourself in the proper condition to allow the life of the Son of God to be manifested in you, and you cannot keep yourself fit if you give way to self-pity. Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to "supply all your need" ( Philippians 4:19 ).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you.

I really want to learn this habit. I think I have a long way to go. I just thank God for His long suffering and unconditional love!